Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski
Young man why are you eating that fish?
You man says:
"Because I love fish"
Oh you love the fish, thats why you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it.
Don't tell me you love the fish.
You love yourself, and because the fish tastes good to you, therefore you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it.
So much of what is love, is fish love.
And so, young couple falls in love, young man young woman fall in love, what does that mean?
That means that he saw in this woman someone who he felt could provide him with all his physical and emotional needs, and she felt in this man somebody she feels that she can write that was love, but each one was looking out for their own needs.
It's not love for the other. The other person becomes a vehicle, for my gratification.
Too much of what is called love, is fish love.
An external love is not on what i'm going to get but what i'm going to give.
We had in ethicist rabbi dessler who said, 'The people make a serious mistake in thinking that you give to those who you love.'
And the real answer is, you love those whom you give.
His point is, if I give something to you, i'v invested myself to you. And since self love is a given, everybody loves themselves.
now that part of me has become in you, there's part of me in you that I love.
So.. true love is a love of giving, not a love of receiving.